The Attack of Otto Beware the Quidditch Fanatic!
by S. G. Moffitt
Summary: Taken after the fashion of 'Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging' this story is about Angelina Johnson, the poor dear. Not only does she have a heathen kneazle called Otto for a pet, but she fancies Fred Weasley. Enjoy.
1. Hoggywarts Letters

**Disclaimer and other Stuffy:** I do not own the world of Harry Potter. I do not own anything except for the Corporal and the people I made up to be Angelina's family. I do not own 'Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging either. Though it does make me laugh a lot. I recommend going out and buying the book.

**A/N:** For those who are completely ignorant of English slang and other terms, a glossary of sorts will be at the end of every chapter. Enjoy.

Friday July 25 

**the house library**

**too hot**

**1:36pm**

It's too hot outside so somehow my whole family is inside. So to dodge my dad, little brother, and Aunt Ellie, I retreated into the library. Nice and cozy with a nice table and all the books you could want, mostly on Quidditch. But, since it is a wizarding family's library . . . there are many magical things. Like the Corporal. He's the biggest drawback to the library.

The Corporal is the craziest ghost I have ever seen. He even beats Moaning Myrtle who likes to wail while you're trying to use the loo. He likes to say that he died in combat, but the truth is he's just a wizard that used to live in our manor who went nutters one day and decided he was in the muggle guard for the Queen and ran in front of a carriage and got squashed to death. When he died, he returned to his house, our house now, and haunted his family members until they sold the house to us. But he never leaves the library.

One way to get him to never shut up is ask him how he died. I guarantee it will bore you do death. Haha, a pun. I'm so funny. 

"So the Corporal, how did you die?" I asked, despite the fact I had it memorized. It's amazing what boredom will do a mind.

"Ah my dear Angelina Gwendolyn Johnson, it was a marvelous death. A noble death…" and so he trailed on. I tuned him out at this point.

For the past week, the only thing that kept me going was the same phrase; "September first Ange, September first and you're back at school with all your friends. And Quidditch, and the yummy Fred Weasley." It could often be heard mumbled and thought, though no one can tell what I'm thinking. Besides my mom. She's psychic I swear.

Upon confessing that I rate Fred Weasley, my friends Alicia Spinnet and Katie Bell had been such help.

"They have detention AGAIN Angel," Ali would tell me while she painted her nails magically by tapping them with her wand.

"What? Who has detention?" I would ask, knowing very well who.

"Those no good Weasley Twins, that's who!"

Or, "I heard that Fred Weasley was snogging some Muggle girl from the town they live near. Can you believe him? So mum got me a new set of dress robes…" Katie would remind me in her weekly, or rather, daily, letters.

Not that I cared. I really tried to resist his red hair and freckles. But the wink/grin combination was too much for even me to handle. Melting knees. I know what you're thinking, what's the difference between him and his carbon-copy twin brother George? I'll tell you what it is; Fred is a bit more careless. Take, for example, when they're coming up with a prank: Fred comes up with the way to get them into trouble and George makes it so they don't get caught.

"And that Angelina, is how I died. Pretty marvelous isn't it?" Concluded the Corporal. He had a dreamy look on his face. He was really kind of fat…

"Er… yes… I'm… gonna go over here and read now the Corporal. Read about… SPANISH!" I got up and ran to a chair at the other end of the library. Just then, I wondered what the Corporal looks like in his nuddy-pants. I wonder if ghosts can even run around in their nuddy-pants. How would they go about taking their clothes off? Then I looked at the Corporal. Quite frankly, he is not a small man in the girth area. The idea of him being in his nuddy-pants was quite repulsive.

I shook my head to rid myself of the image. Quite scary.

**1:56 pm**

Fred Weasley in the nuddy-pants, mmm… scrumdiddly dumply.

**3:28pm**

The jig is up. Jay heard me talking to the Corporal so he went to get Daddy who then jinxed the library door open.

"Angelina! There you are! We've been looking all over for you. Did you lock yourself in again and couldn't get back out? An owl from Hogwarts is waiting for you," my dad said rapidly. Really, he was worse than Jay. No, not really. But he was telling the truth. A barn owl swooped in and left a letter on the table in front of me. 

Definitely from Hoggywarts, the wax seal was enough to sell me out. I opened it and began to read, accompanied by Jay pretending to read. He was only four after all.

After I finished, I started to put the letter away, and Jay went ballistic.

"Not done reading! Bad Angel! Bad!"

"Jay, I need it. You don't even know how to read!"

"BAD ANGEL!"

So I had to let him humor himself by thinking he can read. When he finished, he slapped my hand one last time. "Bad Angel." Really.

I looked at the Corporal since my helpful father had already left. "Corporal, would you check to see if Braden got his letter yet?"

"Anything for a damsel!" And out popped the crazy loon that resided in my house library.

**4:57 pm**

Been enjoying a wonderful conversation with my older brother Braden. He's the heir to our family's fortune so as usual, he reminded me of this when I walked into his room.

"Wipe your feet. I don't want dirt in this room. It's shameful to have dirt in the room of an heir to a fortune," he told me as I purposely stomped in with mud-covered shoes.

"Did you get your Hoggy letter Braden?" I asked, getting right to the point.

"Yes. I'm the Head Boy," he said airily. He was such the stereotypical Ravenclaw, preppy and snobby.

"Hmm… nice. I'm on the Quidditch team again. You figure I should start practicing? Or more importantly, will you practice with me?"

"I'll think about it Ange. I really have a lot of responsibility I need to take care of…" his voice trailed off. What a prig.

I jumped up and grabbed his collar of his shirt. "Will you practice with me?"

"Of course."

**Sunday July 27**

**taking a break from quidditch**

**blistering hot**

**12:17pm**

The great part about having rich parents is the wonderful little bonuses. Take, for example, the Quidditch Pitch in our backyard. It's not a full scale one, but it's perfect for a scrimmage and beating the crap out of your brother. 

I don't like to toot my own horn, but I am a bloody great chaser. 

Toot toot.

**6:04 pm**

Mum's throwing a dinner party so she forced me to cease beating the crap out of my brother at Quidditch and get ready. I had to take a bath. Bella, the maid, had bought some new soaps and shampoos. I've told her to stop doing it, but she insists. I feel like Jay when she does it. Can't even pick out my own bathing things. 

Hmm… on the other hand, they do smell good.

 **7:35 pm**

OH HOW I LOVE YOU BELLA! THIS STUFF IS GREAT!

**1:03 am**

Spent the evening ruining mummy's party. It started out innocently enough. It's really not my fault that my Aunt Ellie gave me a niffler last year. And I also state that it's not my fault mummy's friends wear a lot of shiny things. And I state again that Aunt Ellie is completely bonkers. And it's also not my fault that Bella fancied me owning a kneazle and got me one. 

The niffler is Amie and the kneazle is Otto. 

It started out innocent enough. I got bored, as was usual, and then Amie came strolling in. Everyone in my family knows when Ames comes in a room because they've all gotten used to it. But the guests Mum had over didn't. First thing she did was attack a high profile woman that works with mum at Saint Mungo's. This woman had on a zillion gold necklaces that were glittering in the light, so Amie went after them.

I laughed so much I thought I was going to die. Of course mum yelled at me to get Ames out and I did after prying her away from the gold necklaces and apologizing between giggles.

I put Amie back up in my room and gave her a galleon to play with. When I got back to the 'wonderful' party, Otto was attacking the same woman. I took this as an omen. After all, kneazles are highly intelligent and here he was attacking this woman. 

Mum didn't think so.

"ANGELINA GWENDOLYN! GET THAT… THAT… BEAST OUT OF MY DINING ROOM!"

I cringed and tried to get Otto away. The thing about kneazles is there are highly aggravated when you try to pry them away without praising them. I couldn't reward him at the time though; I was too busy trying to keep the woman in one piece. 

"Otto! Let go of her this instant," I said, pulling at him. 

But Otto didn't let go.

"Please! Otto!" I began begging him. 

Still… no letting go. Eventually, Braden hexed him off of her and deposited him in my room. I waited for the lecture. But, surprise surprise; mum was trying to get the woman drunk so she could perform a memory charm. 

Which, I might add, succeeded. 

Otto is in solitary confinement with Amie, therefore, it's not really solitary, but he thinks it is. I can't walk in the room with out him wailing and trying to get out. Right now he's asleep on the bed next to me while Ames amuses herself with the galleon. 

Thursday July 31 

**The Three Cauldrons**

**Room 5**

**9:30 am** ****

Mum decided to get a late start on the whole shopping business so we left home by Floo Powder and ta-da. Spent the night at the Three Cauldrons. Know who else was here?

The Weasleys.

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod. Fred and George's room was right next to Braden's and mine. Why did I have to share a room with my brother? He snores. I've taken up calling him Humongous Bottom.

"That's NOT what it stands for Angelina!"

"How would you know? Besides, you do have a big one."

"Get out NOW Angelina!"

Touchy touchy. But I did as the Bottom commanded. That's when I found out Fred and George was next door. They were out in the hall, cackling over something of Percy's and didn't hear me come out. But what they did hear was Braden throwing a pot at the door I had just closed. They looked up quickly, George shoving the thing of Percy's behind his back. 

"Whose there?" Questioned Fred. Ohmygod he's so cute. He had let his hair grow out a little and it fell into his eyes in just the tiniest way. And his eyes, they were such a wonderful hazel. Not like my bland chocolate-y brown. And the freckles over his nose and cheeks, identical to George's, but different. It's almost impossible for me to have freckles even though I'm only lightly black.

"He said whose there?" George said, a touch of aggravation in his tone.

That's when I realized I was in a shadow. I took a step forward and gave a meek wave. Ooo, attack of the jelly-legs. "It's just me, Angelina Johnson. From school…"

Brill Ange. 'From school…' like they didn't already know it was you.

Fred smiled at me. Cue the goofy grin. Yep, right on time. I could die and be happy. Really.

"Oh. Was that Braden throwing something at the door?" George said.

"Yes. He got Head Boy, but the badge only says HB so I called him Humongous Bottom," I replied.

Fred grinned again. _È troppo_ cute _per le parole_. Maybe having a Dad from Italy isn't all that bad. Free Italian lessons.

"Care to go out?" He asked casually. 

"With you guys?" I asked.

"No. Only Fred. I've got other things to do," replied George.

A walk? With only Fred? I could die. Really. "Sssure," I managed to stutter.

"Later then. How about tomorrow?" Fred stood, looking right at me. Despite the fact I was totally spazing, I had enough sense to realize we were going to school tomorrow.

"But we'll be at Hogwarts then. When are we supposed to walk?"

"I'll find you. Don't worry," and then he winked. Right at me. A wink. Ohmygodohmygod.

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow! But until then, I have to shop!

**Glossary:**

Loo – lavatory. Bathroom. Ladida, you get the rest

Nutters – Crazy, bonkers, the Corporal.

Rate – Fancy. Angelina fancies Fred. I fancy… I dunno who I fancy to tell the truth. Like, is practically in love-with.

Snogging – Kissing, making-out for all you Americans (like myself)

Nuddy-pants – Naked.

Prig – Braden. No really, a prig is an idiot, snob, jerk. 

Brill – Smart, brilliant, usually used in a sarcastic way.

A/N: I'll start chapter two tomorrow. Truly. PINKY PROMISE!

Now you can do me a favor. 

Comment.

Down there

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	2. The Staircases

Disclaimer and other Stuffy: Ladada, same stuff as before. If you really need to have this junk then you should know this, I OWN NOTHING! So… BLAH! 

**A/N: **Started typing at 10:43 am on August 5, 2003, jamming out to the tunes of Led Zeppelin's Stairway to Heaven. As usual, a glossary will be at the bottom. Yay. And to all new reviewers/readers, enjoy or flame. I shall use the flames to warm my friend Liv's hands because they are really cold and she always pokes me with them.

**A/N 2: **I realized that I didn't place a time line for this story, well, Harry Potter will be attending Hogwarts for the first time this year and it's Angelina and the twins' third year.

Friday September 1 

**The Three Cauldrons**

**11:23 am**

I don't know how I managed to sneak into the room last night. Braden was writing a letter to his _girlfriend_ Sophie. What does she see in my prick brother? Ah yes, I know, the money to keep her happy and the ability to hire a personal pimp daddeh.

Mum left a note on my bed to stop calling him Humongous Bottom. Is it my fault if it's true?

Had an eventful morning though. Otto didn't like the idea of being put in a basket. Amie didn't like the idea of staying with Hagrid all year long down in his cabin. Little do they know this may be the year they will be needed the most. 

Dun dun dun.

Otto scratched Braden before the twat could put a hex on him, right across the nose. Hahahahahahaha, oh my sides. I love you Otto with your repulsive gray/orange/black/white coat and squashed face with ugly yellow eyes. But mum is a healer so that was soon taken care of, but she did tell me that kneazle scratches are harder to get rid of and he still has a minor scar.

Hahahahahahahahahaha. What are you going to tell your dear Sophie, Braden?

"I got scratched by my kid sister's kneazle when I tried to hex it because I'm such a doofbox."

Hahahahahaha! Good times.

Jay came stumbling in soon after the scratch incident and wanted me to help him get dressed.

"Not now Jay. Go find mummy," I told him as I packed.

"No! Bad Angel! Help Jay now!" It's amazing how strong his little arms are and how fast he pulls me away from my trunk.

"No Jay! Why can't Humongous—I mean Braden help you?" Now, remove hand and walk to trunk.

Hand grab. "No no no! Bad Angel!"

"Mooooooom! Jay's not leaving me alone!"

"Just humor him Angelina," Fred Weasley, in my doorway. Ohmygodohmygodohmygod. How did he get here? Think Angelina, Jay left the door open so he just walked in. Like normal people do.

Put on a cool face and smile naturally. Good. "Humor him? Hah, that's a laugh. Why don't you do it for me so I can pack, or would you rather look at my knickers?" Oh no! Sarcasm is not good! Haha, I was being sarcastic.

"Knickers are good," he said and winked. A wink. He bloody winked at me. That's twice in two days. Wait, he's still talking, "but I think I'll help Jay for you." 

Laugh laugh. "Alright. His clothes are over there and he'll let you know which ones he wants to wear," point, jab, be rude. No jelly-knees yet. Pack pack stuff. "Jay, go with Fred. He'll help you get dressed."

"No no bad Angel!" repeated Jay. He shook his little hands and tried to pull me over to his clothes. 

"No Jay! Go with Fred! I have to pack!" I pulled my hands back and then examined them. After Jay had touched them they felt suspiciously sticky. "Who gave you a chocolate frog Jay?" Ewey. Chocolate on my hands, and I don't mean the good kind.

"Fred," he said promptly. He glared at a-mentioned cutie and held his hands up. "It's his fault Angies."

I glanced at Fred. Oh he's so cute when he looks shocked and innocent at the same time. "Did you really? He's not supposed to have chocolate."

"No! I swear it wasn't me," he shot out, looking upset. "Maybe it was George or Bill, but it wasn't me."

"No no no! Bad Fred! It was Fred! Angelina, it was him!" Jay whined. He really can be cute when he's not ruining your life.

"I think I'll have to side with Jay on this one Fred. He usually doesn't lie and you look highly guilty," I said, placing a hand on my little brother's head.

"But it wasn't me! You have to believe me Angelina!" Fred pleaded. He's so bloody cute. I want to run over there and start snogging him endlessly. Oh Fred do you know how absolutely sexy you are?

Of course not because Braden has to ruin everything, the boy with the Humongous Bottom. He came stomping in, polishing his HB badge lovingly. It was enough to make a decent human sick, but Braden is not a decent human. He knocked into Fred and didn't bother to apologize. Instead he stopped and looked at the other boy.

"Well," he said, obviously wanting Fred to apologize. The git.

"Well," Fred said, mocking my brother perfectly. Heehee, he's so cute. Can I snog him now?

"Aren't you going to apologize," demanded Braden.

"No. Not when you were the one to knock into me," returned Fred.

"Braden, will you dress Jay so I can finish packing? Or I'll let Otto out." I said swiftly.

"Humph," Humongous Bottom snorted, but he went over to help Jay, rubbing his nose where the scar was. I'll admit it, I was giggling when I stuffed knickers into my trunk.

Jay put his chocolaty hands right on Braden's Head Boy badge. Not too long after, he put them on his older brother's brand new Ravenclaw uniform.

With the help of Fred, I dragged my trunk, my broom resting safely on the top, to the parlor-type thing of the inn. We were about to leave on our promised walk when Jay and Braden came marching down from upstairs, the latter absolutely fuming. He deposited Amie's basket on my trunk and Otto's empty one on top of that. Otto trotted down after him, looking smug.

"It's time to go Angelina. Say good-by to your little friend," my mother told me while she put some lippy on.

I sighed; she was out to ruin my life. I swear. I did as she directed me and smiled at Fred. He smiled back.

_Ha il sorriso migliore. _And then, you know what happened?

He pulled me in for a hug.

I totally forgot that my mom was a frog and that my brother was a twit. This is all I need.

"Angelina! Come over here!" Damn you mother.

On the Hogwarts Express 

**2:17 pm**

I met up with Katie, Alicia, Lee, George and Fred and we got a train compartment, just like we said we would. I saw Oliver Wood and Charlie Weasley at the Platform. Oliver was completely flushed. George told me that Charlie put in a good word for him and he made Quidditch Captain and he kept sending letters thanking Charlie endlessly. That's when Katie Bell told me that Harry Potter was coming to Hogwarts this year.

"Yeah, Ronnikins is too. Maybe they'll be best friends," George said between eating a chocolate frog. 

"What house do you think he'll get?" Alicia Spinnet asked to no one in particular.

"Gryffindor," Lee Jordan said immediately. We all nodded our agreement.

"There's no house like Gryff," Fred said solemnly. We all nodded agreement again.

"Braden would argue. Can you believe he's our Head Boy this year?" I said, making a face.

"Humongous Bottom," George said grinning.

"What?" Katie questioned, popping a Bertie Botts Every Flavor Bean in her mouth. "Ew! Grass!" She spit it out the window and turned back.

"It's what Angie calls him," explained Fred. Oh he's so cute.

"Why? Because the badge only says HB?" Katie asked again.

"Yes you daft airhead," I said with a grin.

I was sitting across from Fred who was squished between George and Lee just like I was between Alicia and Katie. Otto roamed the train compartment, pausing by Lee's tarantula Killer when he got to that side. I watched him. He really was an ugly beast. He jumped up onto my lap and began purring, but I wouldn't call it that. It sounded more like a broken clock. 

"I'm giving Amie to Hagrid," I said suddenly. Alicia's head snapped to look at me.

"What? Why? Didn't your aunt give her to you?"

"Aunt Ellie? Yeah she did, but she's bonkers and Ames attacked this woman from mum's work at the dinner party the other night. Plus Hagrid sounded so thrilled when I asked him if he would mind taking her."

"Hmm…" Alicia said and leaned against the compartment's wall.

**Gryffindor Girl's Dormitories**

**9:46 pm**

Harry Potter did get into Gryffindor and he and Ron are best friends. 

I got to sit next to Fred at dinner.

Ohmygodohmygod. I kept asking Katie if there was anything in my teeth. She kept nodding, so I finally stopped listening to her. I made a complete idiot of myself on numerous occasions during dinner, but luckily Fred didn't seem to notice. 

He's so sexy.

**1:00 am**

Nuddy-pants Fred again. Nummy.

**2:34 am**

Stop it. Stop thinking about Fred, Angelina! You'll never get to sleep at this rate!

**2:36 am**

Oh who cares? I don't have any classes tomorrow. In fact, I don't have any until Monday.

Saturday September 2 

**Gryffindor Commons**

**10:02 am**

I was rudely awoken by the sound of the stairs going off. Somebody (or rather, Some BOY) tried to get into the girl's dorms. So I was dragged out of my bed by a giggling Alicia and Katie, the latter with curlers in her hair, and shown a disgruntled looking Fred and George Weasley. 

Hahahahahahaha! They look so shocked. Seems George didn't plan this one out that well.

"Why did the stairs go all funny?" a first year girl asked. 

"Around the time of the Founders, they believed that boys were less trust worthy than the girls. We can go into their dorms, but as you can see, they can't go into ours," Sara said. She was our resident Prefect, and just as snooty as my brother. "Weasleys, Detention."

"Bloody genius plan George," Fred grumbled.

"It was your idea!" George exclaimed, standing up.

"Do you always listen to me?" Fred asked. He was still in his jimjams. Bludger bats and broomsticks decorated it. How cute, dedication even in sleep. Speaking of cute…

Stop it Angelina. Stop now. 

I've been in the Commons since then, listening to Fred and George whine. Well, Fred was the one doing the whining and George has been ignoring him.

I have yet to get out of my own jimjams. As of now, I am engaged in a game of chess with Fred. He's going easy on me. Or at least, I'm going super easy on him. He has the cutest little wrinkle between his eyebrows when he's thinking. Sometimes I want to just reach up and poke it.

_Alas, dato che io non ha le budella. _

Monday September 4 

**Gryffindor Commons**

**3:21 pm**

Picture it, I was promised a walk, and still no walk.

I blame you Fred Weasley.

By Braden's Humongous Bottom, I will have my walk before the week ends!

**Glossary:**

Prick – Snobby

Doofbox – My own invention, along with the help of the lovely students in my school. It basically means idiot. (Wow, I just realized how many references of idiot in this story pertain to Braden in some fashion)

Knickers – Panties, girls' undergarments. 

Git – Jerk, idiot, ladada you get the picture. (Once again pertaining to Braden. Pity, I kinda like him in a way…)

Lippy – Lipstick Really, you all are hopeless. Haha, I joke, I love you all! 

Daft – Innocent, naïve.

Bonkers – See Nutters in first chapter

Jimjams – Pajamas

**A/N: **I feel horrible for this taking so long. I really do. School started today, and I was rushing to finish this up when I got home. I'm afraid that the next few chapters are going to take a while as well. I hardly like this chapter for my Muse, fondly known as Merigold, has left me to inspire others. Hopefully she will return and help me.

Now, whether you liked it or not, please _do_ comment. I like to know whose reading my stories and what they think. 

I love you my lovely readers,

PinkMooseofDoom: Aww… thanks ^__^ I'm a total avid F/A shipper. I even role-play Angelina in a group. Glad you thought it was so funny :D

Meena2: You need an ffNET account that way I can bug you with emails XD Thanks so much!

Ashliegh: I worked really hard to keep her in character so I appreciate the praise. YES! READ THE BOOK! IT IS AWESOME! Braden is taken off the characteristics of one of my close friends who is also the heir to a huge estate and is constantly doing stuff like Braden. When I decided to write this story, Angelina just needed a pricky older brother, and thus, Braden was born! And here's your continuement! 

Yes, I'm aware that continuement is not a word.

Now, COMMENT MY FRIENDS!

Love,

The Ecstatic SG


	3. In Which Many People Blush

**Disclaimer: **Same as the other chapters my dears.

**A/N: **Merigold returned with a story line my friends. I punished her for taking so long, but only we know the details of the punishment. 

So, Read and Review my little minions. ::cough:: I mean, readers.

Tuesday September 5 

**History of Magic**

**9:01 am**

The cruel minds that placed me in History of Magic first thing in the morning have no love for me, but Professor Binns does. Now I can gaze at Fred's neck all I want. It's lovely. I've taken to drawing the back of him to pass the time and keep from falling asleep.

'You know Weasley, when you said that we'd take a walk, I thought you meant while I was still thirteen. If I had known you were going to take this long, I'd've dressed Jay myself.' I scribbled in a note that I hurriedly sent on to the scrumdiddly Quidditch boy in front of me.

I could see his shoulders lift a little as he laughed silently. Hey, I didn't mean for that note to be funny! Not a funny note Weasley! It's not a funny note!

A toss and I was holding his reply. I quickly opened and read it. 'When's your birthday? October 27th? You'll have your walk by then. I didn't know you were so upset by it. If I didn't know better, I'd say you fancy me Johnson.'__

I could feel my cheeks getting hot, but luckily with my dark skin it couldn't be seen that easily. 'Don't flatter yourself Weasley. I merely need a reason to justify the guilt I have for letting my little brother be harassed by my older brother. A child that young shouldn't be exposed to torture until he's at least Hoggywarts age and has History of Magic class.' I sent it on with a grim satisfaction. Let's see him come up with something for _that_!

He obviously read it and sent one back quite fast. It held truth, and that angered me. 'You fancy me, you know you do.'

'Oh yes I do. I want to jump on you now and shag you until the cows come home.' This time, I hit him in the back of the head with my reply.

Fred, disregarding all laws of History of any student in Binns' class, turned around and whispered, "I knew it. Now, I know where a nice little broom closet is if you want to do a quicky before next class."

"Oh Fred, so considerate. I always fancied shagging someone with brooms around," said while fluttering my eyelashes of course.

**12:24 pm**

Lunch lunch lunch. Hmm, I wonder where I am? Oh yeah, Lunch!

What's for lunch Angelina? Why I'm having a sandwich because I don't want anything too fancy. I'm supposed to meet Fred after lunch during the afternoon break, but I haven't seen a sign of him or George or Lee while we're on the subject. Alicia's taken up flirting outrageously with Oliver. He doesn't seem too upset by it either. I actually caught her trying to 'Sex Him Up' as she so wonderfully puts it when I flirt mildly with Fred. 

I do NOT flirt with Frederick Weasley!

**6:10 pm**

I was sitting outside during the afternoon break (okay, so technically it's still break. Do you want to hear the story or not?), eating a chocolate frog and pondering some things. What first came to mind was Fred. Do I really like him, or just like the idea of liking him? And speak (or rather think,) of the devil; here comes Jolly Fred himself.

But I didn't know. 

"What are you thinking so intently about, Johnson?" his silky voice made me jump, which made him laugh.

"Many things." I answered coolly, regaining my composure as much as I could. Consider I had been frightened out of my mind as you marvel at my composure and fluent language.

"And would one of things happen to be a wonderfully handsome fellow named Fred?" He asked, throwing himself onto my lap. His eyes fluttered dramatically, making quite an impression on me.

"You know of a handsome fellow named Fred? I think I should like to meet him."

"That's cruel Angelina."

"What's that? Cruel is my middle name, after all."

He paused, and then grinned most impressively. "I thought it was Gwendolyn."

I shoved him off my lap. "Don't you ever breathe that name to another human being again or I'll bloody well hex you Frederick Weasley!" I brandished my wand, poking at the air in front of him menacingly. 

"Never would I dream of such a thing," he replied, looking up at my wand and my probably-red-with-anger face.

"Good!"

I sat back down, but a distance away from srumdiddly Fred. Really, whipping out the Gwendolyn card. Who does he think he is? 

Awkward silence.

"Angel?" Fred asked softly. I didn't realize how dangerously close he got in those few moments. And I mean dangerous. I could feel his breath on my cheek. Which isn't bad at all I might add.

"Hmm?"

"Well, see, there's this Hogsmeade trip this weekend and I just wanted to know if… You don't have to say yes, bloody hell, I've had enough pity dates, but I was wondering--"

"Before you embarrass yourself anymore and turn any deeper red, which I don't think is possible by the way, yes I'll go."

"Alright then." Suddenly he was Fred again, cocky and cheerful. I decided I liked this Fred better.

"Angelina Gwendolyn Johnson! What are you doing with that Weasley?" That's right, everything has to be ruined by Braden. What did you expect? Snogging? I wish!

"I don't have to do a thing you say Braden! No, stay Fred, it's just my idiot brother." I glared fiercely at my brother. "Well, for one, I know that he isn't after me for my money, unlike Sophie. You know she has a Slytherin boy on the side don't you? He's quite cute in fact. I'd date him!"

Hmm, it's odd, I thought that nothing could be redder than a tomato, but I was proven wrong. There should be a color called Bred. Luckily, this caused him to pounce off in a huff and me enough time to giggle.

"Does she really have a Slytherin boy?" Fred asked. Oh, that's right, gorgy boy was next to me. I forgot. Which is a sin. One must never forget that there is an incredibly sexy boy sitting next to you. Always remember this.

"I don't know, but probably. She doesn't really like him, she told me when she stayed over this summer."

"Lucky bloke, his girl got to stay over. Mum'd never stand for that. She blow a bloody casket before letting me bring home my girl."

I paused. I admit I was more than a little upset that he had a girl. When I spoke again, I was faintly aware that there was a break in my voice. "What, thinking of taking your girl home for the holidays?"

Fred looked at me strangely. "You're an odd one Johnson. Just be glad that I have to go to detention."

"What, detention already? It's only the second bloody day!" Wow, a shock! How could **my** Fred have detention? It wasn't plausible. Okay, so it was.

Unfortunately, he got up as he ran off. Oh fate, you do hate me. But soft, what's that he's calling? "We'll have to meet later Angel. How about Wednesday?"

"No good, first Quidditch practice."

"Damn, that Oliver's bloody obsessed. Thursday then?" He looked hopeful, so I nodded.

"Certainly. Bye Fred!"

**12:31 am**

Bloody hell, I just realized that I, Angelina Gwendolyn Johnson, have not one, but two dates with Frederick Weasley. I think that the fates do love me. It must me my incredible beauty.

**12:34 am**

Or maybe it's because Alicia always burns incense to bring good luck upon our dorm room.

**12:35 am**

Nah, it's because of the way I look when I'm happy. If it's possible, I'm even more beautiful then.

**1:04 am**

Woke Katie up to see her response to my thoughts, she hit me with a book and then declared tomorrow Official Kill Angelina Day.

Geeze, just because you're jealous of my beautosity doesn't mean you get to muss up my face!

Glossary for the Less Intelligent of my Readers 

Shag – ::oddly enough has 'I Wanna Sex You Up' stuck in her head:: Have sex with dahling

Quicky – Slang used in both England as well as America meaning a very quick sex session

Fancy – Like a boy/girl. Very cute way of saying crush

Fancy – Now here it means splendid and over done. Special

Flirting – Most often done by a girl to a boy involving many eyelash flutters and a few getting-close-enough-to-kiss motions

Bloody well – Mild curse meaning 'might as well'

Gorgy – Gorgeous, me (Haha, you know you love me)

Bloke – Guy

Bloody casket – A fit

Beautosity – Beauty

**A/N:** May God strike me down with his holy wrath for taking so long. Merigold was out longer than I expected and I just wrapped up this poopy chapter tonight. I love you all and want you to know that I am back in business. You know who you are….

Ashliegh – Oh goodness, you brighten my day with your reviews. They make me feel horrible for taking so long. Yes, Jay is wonderful and cute and wonderful. No! You have caught onto my Braden/Percy conspiracy! Now I fear I must kill you! I would, except you're too lovely to kill.

Insaneflautist – You too are wonderful. Thank you so much!

Pinkmooseofdoom – You write lovely reviews. Thanks so much! Hope you like this one as much as the one before! And I apologize for taking so long. I like this one a tad more than the others. And don't worry, you'll find out what they were up to in the next chapter.

Star2717 – Well I'm glad you like my little story. Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging owns my soul.

Yes, to all new readers and the old, Sorry for taking such a buttload of a long time. The wait is over and I hope I still have a few readers.

Now loves, do dear SG a favor and Review.

I

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	4. Wank Seeking Staircase

**Disclaimer: **I believe you think I fancy myself the jolly creator of the world don't you? Well, regardless, I do not own the world of Harry Potter, nor do I own the right to all chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream though it would be lovely if I did, don't you agree?

**A/N:** Woo, creative juices are flowing! I've got a dandy little chapter for you my dears, which means you know what you have to do to! I'm messing around with the different ways to save my stories so that they won't have that annoying quadruple space between paragraphs. So excuse any weirdness.

Wednesday, September 6 

**Infirmary**

**1:21 pm**

I always thought Oliver was bloody insane, but today he did the unthinkable, letting a first year on the team as a starting Seeker. Bloody hell, I had to wait until my third year to make starting Chaser and this boy gets to march on the field and own it!

Then again, he **_is_** The Boy Who Lived. Yeah, that's right, we got Harry Potter. Harry Bloody Potter is _Gryffindor's Seeker_ for _Gryffindor_. 

Of course, Ollie assured us he has his reasons for letting the kid on the team and then told us about this marvy stunt he did to catch some kid's Remembrall. I was impressed. I really miss having bright old Amelia Swight on the team with her _wonderful_ renditions of how horrible I was at my position.

Why yes, I was being sarcastic.

Quidditch practice was a butchering. It ended with me on the ground, holding a bleeding nose.

No, my nose was **not** off my face, but it was bleeding. George hit a bludger at what he thought was a place no one would get, but Katie dropped the Quaffle from 20 meters or so over there and my brill plan was to wow Fred with the way I could get there before it hit the ground. It hit me straight on.

Of course, I got to skip lunch to break my nose because that is how obsessed Oliver is with Quidditch. Stupid git. (**Mental Note #1:** Maim Oliver Wood in some violent fashion for his Stupidity.)

Ow, my nose. And my bum, it hurts. I got knocked off my broom. Stupidosity. I'm going to make George apologize for hours.

I skipped fourth class because I am in the Infirmary because George broke my nose and it is still bleeding because it was broken on both sides.

**1:57 pm**

I have decided that I will make George suck up to me for ages. It is a good decision seeing as how my beautosity has been ruined. My nose crooks to the left now because all Madam Pomfrey can fix at the moment is the right side. She said that the left would have to wait until the right is ready for more stress to it.

Sounds like "Blahblahblah YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO BE PRETTY AGAIN!" to me.

**2:31 pm**

I have just realized that I may have to cancel my date with Fred. **NO!!!** You will PAY GEORGE WEASLEY!

I think Pomfrey is slightly off her rocker. She just came in with a mirror to show me how much better my nose is looking. It's about the size of a tomato and has tissues stuffed up my nostrils so that it won't bleed onto my shirt, not that it isn't already covered in blood.

And it tilts to the left.

**4:00 pm**

Oliver Wood is completely insane! There is no way I'll be able to practice tonight, but he thinks there is! The idiot! The first hit to my nose will break it again! Geeze Ol, were you dropped on your head as a child?

**5:56 pm**

Braden just left. Oh yes, I'm feeling perfectly cheery because I just _love_ my older brother! He's just so wonderful! Despite the fact that I want to BREAK HIS NECK AND MAIM HIM!

I was admiring my tragic nose in the mirror when Pomfrey announced that my distressed older brother was just itching to come in and see me. She said that he seemed completely disheveled, so, despite the fact that it was too late, she let him in to see me. I do not want to see my brother when my nose is tilted to the left.

Putting on a show of the typical protective older brother, he rushed to the bed and hugged me until I thought I was going to die. Of course Pomfrey thought it was sweet of him. It's odd that he only likes me when people are around. "Angelina! Oh Angie, I told you not to join that horrid Quidditch team! Look at your lovely nose, it slants to the left!"

"Why thank you Bottom, I always fancied a brother that tells me that my nose is crooked. If Pomfrey hadn't taken away my wand, I'd hex yours so that it does the same."

Silence.

"You should call her Madam Pomfrey," my brother stated.

"And you should stop being such an ass."

"Angelina! Cursing is crude!"

"And so is being a complete nincompoop." I was growing slightly, okay _really_, irritated. You aren't supposed to barge in on someone when they're in pain and then insult the way they talk! It's just not done! Then I realized that my voice sounded like I had a very bad cold, all stuffy and stuff.

"Well, if you're going to be rude I'll just leave." He looked all huffy. It reminded me of Jay when he doesn't get his way and is about to throw a fit. Why did I have to be the only girl?

"If that's all it took to get you to leave, then I should have tried that one at home." With satisfaction, I watched him stomp out the door. But of course, no conversation with Braden is complete until he makes up some random insult that he thinks will hurt your feelings and yells it at you.

Such was the case today.

"Don't think Mum won't here about this! You might have Dad around your finger, but I've got Mum. You're so immature Ange." 

Me? Immature? Never!

Thursday, September 7 Great Hall – Lunch 

**12:12 pm**

My nose is still broken. I can't take another knocking of my nose with that wand of Pomfrey's. A school nurse should be gentle and understanding. Not poking your broken nose with a wand and asking you if it hurts because I'll tell you, it bloody does hurt. She made me go to classes today since I refused to let her injure my precious nose anymore than it already is.

**12:34 pm**

Ooo… An owl for me. I wonder who it's from…

**12:46 pm**

Oh Merlin… I hate my life and my family! Dad's coming into Hogsmeade for a visit and he's bringing Jay. I think I may just shoot myself.

**12:54 pm**

Or maybe I can get a Slytherin to maim me in some way so that they are disqualified from the House Cup running.

**1:13 pm**

Yes, that's the plan.

**3:42 pm**

I tried to break off the thing with Fred tonight.

I was standing in my dorm, rehearsing what I would say because it is a very delicate matter, when I heard a knock at the door. "Katie, I know it's you. You can come in, I'm not in my knickers this time." I turned my back away from the door and went to go sit on my bed.

"I'm jealous of Katie, she's seen you in your knickers." Wait, that's not Katie's voice… It's… Oh God no please…

_Fred_ was standing in the doorway! That whole 'Boys aren't allowed in girl's dorms' Staircase trick didn't work! How?! It always works! Don't ask me how, it just does! It's one of the mysteries of Hogwarts!

"Wha-wha-what are you doing here?" I managed to stutter. Oh this was fab, here I am, rehearsing what I'm going to say to the most snog-worthy boy of the year when I turn him down, I yell something about my knickers, and there he is in my door! Oh you _do_ hate me fates!

And to make it all fabby, I have a broken nose!

"Didn't you wonder what George and me were doing the first morning?" He asked and plopped down on Alicia's bed.

"Yes, but I don't ask questions! Wait… what did you do?" They broke my security blanket staircase! No!

"Well, it was a simple spell really. There was a Charm that was supposed to detect whether you had a wank or not and was just adjusted it so that it skimmed over ours."

Oh mercy, here's Fred Weasley, sitting on a bed in my dorm, telling me about wank-seeking charms set on my school staircase. I knew I was turning red; there was no way that I wasn't. "Did you fix it for Lee too? I'm sure he'd want to see girls in their skibbys." And I stretch the torture.

"He got up too late. Why? So you fancy both him and me Angie?"

"Why would I fancy Lee? He's been my neighbor for my whole life! That's just ridiculous!"

He grinned at me and winked. "You didn't say you didn't fancy me. Oh Angelina, you're quite the charmer."

Merlin, I'm just a wonderful little gossiper today aren't I? "Yes well…"

"That move you did at Quidditch yesterday was suicidal, but awesome," he said. I think he was trying to dismiss the fact that my nose was now broken because of it.

"Thanks. But I have something to tell you…"

He cut me off, "If you're planning on breaking our meeting tonight, I fear I will be forced to hurt you. So what if your conk tilts to the left?"

My hand shot up to my nose protectively. "My nose does **not** tilt! And it's not a conk!"

He laughed at me. "As you want to think Madame. Just don't forget to meet me, George and Lee down at the statue of Gregory the Smarmy right after dinner. Sharp. Chin up now old girl."

And he left.

And what the hell is this about George and Lee being there?

**Glossary:**

Marvy – Marvelous

Brill – Brilliant, often used when being sarcastic

Stupidosity – Stupidness

Off their rocker – Slightly senile or really senile. Crazy

Nincompoop – Complete idiot

Knickers – Haven't I said this one before? Oh well, it's panties

Fab, Fabby – Fabulous

Wank – Quite delicately, a boy's special part. Aw dammit, his penis

Skibbys – Nekkid

Conk – Nose. Here's a bit of history for you of how this came to be. In 1066, there was a guy called William the Conqueror from France who came to England and shot King Harold in the eye. William had a big nose, so to get back at him the English started calling him William the Conk-erer. Quite funny if you think about it.

**A/N:** Now comes the time that I thank my selfless readers who keep me writing. They are all marvy and simply the best!

FredsAngel: Thanks ^__^ Georgia makes me pee my pants with laughter and this being compared to her is just awesome. And yes, I did take a while. Chappy 3 was about halfway done and sitting on my computer collecting dust for almost the whole time I didn't update. And I'm glad you bought the books! Aren't they marv?

Star2717 (or Betsy): Oh! I always wanted to be named Betsy when I was little! I envy you! I think I shall steal your name one day. Really? I'm glad! Err… wait… it's not good to spit up coke… Ah well, it is good I made you laugh so much that you did!

Hpgal186: It's always lovely to have a new reader/reviewer ^_^ Thanks so much! I love those books too. If I were British (or lived in England), a guy (or a lesbian), I'd so stalk Georgia (if she were real).

Ashliegh – Ah, reading your review reminded me of something I wanted to put in the story, then I lost it. Pooey. Anyway, Braden is still very smooth even if he's a Class A Jerk. And I agree, after I wrote the lap scene, I attempted to draw it but then I remembered that I can't draw. Scratch that plan.

Faye – Ah, so sorry. I had to do that the other day and I realize how annoying it is. Well, I think I did a dandy job of updating soon. Hope you like it!

**A/N2:** Everyone knows what I expect you to do now don't you? That's right my dears, review your little hearts away! PS, how do ya like me now? Hmmm? Fast update huh?


	5. Makeshift Marauders or Smarmters?

**Disclaimer:** If you think I own anything, you're quite wrong. I own Braden, Jay, and Mr. Johnson but they're used in reference to Angelina Johnson so therefore, I own diddly-squat. I don't even own the cough drop that I'm eating! So that makes me a saaad person.

**A/N:** I'm on fire. Wooooo. Okay, here's the deal, I'll keep writing as long as you keep reviewing. Deal?

Friday, September 8 

**Divination**

**10:09 am**

My uniform is itchy. Otto slept on it last night after he ate Katie's Potion. (**Mental Note #2: **Find Otto another bed other than my uniform) Kneazles are strange, rarely does any sort of magic work on them. I didn't get a chance to update thanks to the flying books flying across the dorm and hitting Otto. Katie tried to hex him into having boils all over, but he scratched her first. Hahahahaha. It was funny! Funny I tell you! But now Katie wants to murder Otto, so it's not that funny.

Who am I kidding? It's hilarious!

I'm in Divination now. It's not like Trelawney will notice anyway seeing as how she just predicted Lee's cruel and unusual death due to a falling statue in the Great Hall. He pointed out that there are no statues in the Great Hall so now they're in the biggest argument in this class to date. I think I have a bit of free time to write. 

Straight to the nub of the matter, between getting back so late last night and Otto eating Katie's Potion, I couldn't write. Therefore, I shall do it now! During dinner last night, I noticed Fred and George leave early, but I asked Lee to stay behind and walk with me. Dinner was wonderful, roast chicken with just a hint of onion sauce and pumpkin juice… very tasty. Oh no, my stomach's growling, I better skip the description of the meal then.

I caught Lee's arm before he left without me. "Lee, walk with me please, I don't know where this Gregor the Swampy is."

He looked amused. "Angel, it's Gregory the Smarmy. Good thing you caught me or else you'd never get there. So what's the deal with you and Fred?"

I stopped and looked at him. I was shocked, was Fred talking about me? My knees felt a little weak. "What do you mean? Nothing's up."

Lee chuckled. He has a funny laugh, something between a full out throw-your-head-back-and-die-laughing thing and a chipmunk's laugh. "Well, it's not every day that two of my best friends who are obviously attracted to each other arrange to go to Hogsmeade together."

At this point, I decided to take advantage of the schoolboy crush Lee used to have on me and slip my arm through his. "Come now Corny, you wouldn't hide things from me, would you? Tell your dear friend all about this attraction thing coming from Fred to me… Waitaminute, where are we going?" (**Mental Note #3:** Beat answers out of Corny at a later date).

Lee had been steering us around with little concern as if he knew exactly where we were going. However, we had left the first floor, went to the second floor, to the third, and then back down to the first again. I lost track of all the turns we made.

"Lay off the Corny, and don't think you can seduce me Gwennie. I'm much older and more mature. We're taking a shortcut." Lee's nickname when we were little was always Corny because his hair reminded me of corn… Jay tried to eat his hair once… Gwennie, was of course from my middle name. Truthfully, Lee was the only one brave enough to ever call me anything relating to Gwendolyn. I always had some sort of respect about that. Must be because he was meant to be a Gryffindor.

"This is **not** a shortcut and you know it Corny! Take me straight to the Smarmy one. Oh you know you still think my braids are so pretty. Look at them, admire them."

"Shut up Gwen. I'll bloody take you to the Smarmy one when I ruddy feel like it. But we're here anyway."

Turns out the Smarmy one was on the corridor to the left of the Great Hall and staircase thingy.

"Bloody hell Lee! You led me all that way to take me to a ruddy statue less than 50 meters away! You really want me to kill you don't you?" I got out my wand and put it to his neck threateningly. "I had to walk a long bloody way! And my nose is still broken!"

"Shut up Angelina! And leave your stupid conk alone!" George poked his head out from behind a rather suave looking statue of a man grinning like an idiot. Gregory the Smarmy reminded me a lot of Braden with his stance and cocky grin. If he's anything like Braden, it's because there's either a girl around, or a person of a higher rank than him.

My hand went to my nose protectively for at least the tenth time in four hours. "It's not a conk! And the only reason it's mussed up is because **you** broke it! You'll pay for it too!"

"Dammit Johnson, if you keep saying that, I'll be forced to knock you senseless. I'm not going to pay for a single thing! You're a pansy who wouldn't harm a fly, unless they had the Quaffle. Now you two lovebirds get back here. We have work to do." George glared at Lee and my arms locked together, but grinned too. He's a strange one, that other Weasley.

"As you say Oh Mischief Maker." Lee said, bowing his head slightly. He winked at me and then leaned in to whisper. "George's an arrogant wanker, we have to humor him or else he'd never go on pranks with us. And duff him up for me." He took his elbow out of the crook of my arm and grabbed me by the wrist, pulling me behind the statue of Gregory.

Surprisingly, it was rather spacey back there even though it didn't look like it from the front. Fred and George were back there, looking at a tattered bit of parchment. Fred looked up and grinned. "Ah, so now we can get underway. Hey, Ange, why does your nose tilt like that?"

"Lay off Fred. It's no thanks to your stupid brother." Lee and I plopped down on the floor next to Fred while George put a silencing charm on the statue and surrounding area. I didn't know this until later.

"Right. So this is the first meeting of the Makeshift Marauders." Fred announced. "With this little parchment here, we can go anywhere in the castle and not get caught. The reason we chose this spot is because of the room, and it's convenient location near the Hunchback Witch, who just so happens to hold a passage to Hogsmeade in her hunch. Our meetings will be occasional; George and I will give you the head up. Tonight, we're going to Hogsmeade, but first we need to--"

"Wait, you're telling me that I've got to bung around with you lot and then climb through a witch's hunchback?" I interrupted. **This** is what was so important?

George plopped down next to me and gave a look. "Shut up Johnson. We chose you out of the rest of the bungers because we thought you'd do a dandy job of helping us out. You can keep a secret and Lee put in a nice word for you. So if you'd like to stay, shut your trap."

"Shut up George! You better not tick me off, don't forget, you owe me for ruining my nose! Makeshift Marauders. Really, couldn't you have come up with a better name? You just stole it off that parchment!" I grabbed the thing out of Fred's hand and tapped it with my wand. "I solemnly swear I'm up to no good," I said clearly, even if a bit sarcastically. With amazement, I watched the piece of parchment light up and show a map of Hogwarts. There we were, little dots labeled and put in the correct positions. Even crimson for Gryffindor. "Wha-what is this thing?"

George snatched it out of my hands and looked at Lee angrily. "I thought you didn't tell her anything!"

"I didn't," Lee protested. "How do we know Fred didn't? They were getting cozy in her dorm just yesterday!"

I felt my face grow warm and noticed with satisfaction that Fred's ears turned pink. Hah. 

"I didn't!" Fred protested in nearly the same manner as Lee.

"Yes, let's all talk like I'm not here. Really, you lot aren't good at hiding things. Whispering in the corner of the Commons. I saw you last year and heard you say it. Figured I'd give it a shot. Really." I smiled maliciously at their shocked faces. Oh yes, the Makeshift Marauders were under way. "Now, about that name, you need something more creative. Any suggestions?"

"Who bloody well died and made you the queen of pranks?" Lee murmured, but I decided to ignore him.

George made a face but then pitched in. "The Smarmters, because we're suave, and smarter than everyone else."

"Any other suggestions?" Fred asked, looking rather amused.

Lee, George and I shook our heads.

"The Smarmters we are. Now, who wants a bit of butterbeer?"

All hands shot up. Butterbeer sounded wonderful. I could almost taste it. Fred grinned impishly at me and I melted inside. Well, it was well worth the excursions if it meant I got to spend time with Fred.

We stayed out until midnight. It was Lee's brilliant idea to go into the Shrieking Shack. Now, I have never been really frightened of the old thing, but it was just a bit too old for my liking. Even the Hogwarts ghosts refused to go in. Grudgingly, I agreed, and soon regretted it. They spent the whole time trying to frighten me out of my wits. I did the most rash thing… I jumped right into Fred and clung to him! I'm not going to say it wasn't nice, because it was, but still! I was attached to Fred! It was very nice…

**11:14 am**

Bum noodles, Trelawney caught me writing. She thought that it was for Divination so she let me slip by. She asked me something about tea leaves, to which I responded, "Well, I like my tea leaves in tea. Rather tasty as you can imagine."

Saturday, September 9 

**The Three Broomsticks**

**12:34 pm**

I tried to get him to stay. I really did. Letters weren't enough. I was just reading over one in particular.

_Dearest Angelina,_

_            Hello dear! How's school going for you? Been missing you like hell, really. Your mum's still upset about your nose, but we'll jolly well get through it eh? Now, you know you can't hex Braden's nose off (but if you do, do it for me doll). I heard you have a Hogsmeade trip this weekend from Braden. You really should write more dear, he's gaining popularity with your mother quickly. And I do enjoy hearing from you. You're much better at talking about something other than yourself._

_            While we're on the subject, how would you like a visit from Jay and I this weekend? No need to reply, we'll be at The Three Broomsticks at 1:00 sharp. Take care, and if you want to, invite a few of your friends. I'd like to see Lee again, make sure he's there. I'll take you shopping afterwards._

_Love,_

Your affectionate Daddy and Jay 

The gang is showing up later. Oh woe is I. Daddy, I love him I really do, but bringing Jay along? He's the cutest little brother a girl could as for, but he's still too little to come and visit. Doesn't Daddy remember last time when he broke a chair in his temper? Oh, let this end soon!

**Glossary:**

Nub – The point

Ruddy – About the same as bloody

Wanker – Dick, idiot

Bung – Hang

Bungers – People

Lot – People

**A/N:** I feel so proud of myself! ::tear:: Look at me, updating so quickly! Anyway, you lovely readers now get the chance to be appreciated!

Faye – Hehe, I know. I was having a bit of a row with my brother and wanted to maim him, so it came out in the writing.

Star2717 (Betsy) – If you notice your name gone, it's because I took it. ::shifty eyes:: Hmm, perhaps I shall use your name as a good snog. That's a wonderful idea! You just opened up a plot bunny for me!

Ashliegh – And another! ^__^ This story is so much fun now that I'm getting into it again. Yes, Braden is a git. ::hides from Braden:: The thought of Lee living next door didn't come up until the night before last, kind of a mind in turmoil seeking for plot bunnies…

FredsAngel – And because you were so polite, I updated again! And don't worry, the hex is coming… ::rubs hands together greedily:: Wait, forget that. You never saw it! Thankee for the love!

Hpgal186 – This is what happens next! Yay! ::dances around happily::

**A/N2:** I would like to thank my brother, for so selflessly letting me make fun of him in my fic, even if he doesn't know. I would also like to thank James for letting me fashion Braden after him and also for the awesome bracelet for good luck. Here would also be the time that I thank my Beta, but she quit on me so she gets left out. And dearies, it's time to review!


	6. Johnson Family Investing in Tazers

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything. I live with my parents and my twin brother. I share a room with my brother. As you can imagine, this is horrible considering we're 15 now and still can't be separated for a brief moment even just to sleep. We once drew a line down the room like all twins do but with better foresight. After all, I did get the door and the air conditioning controls. I realize that this is a rant. I will stop now. (This is truly my favorite part of the story)

**A/N:** I am horrible. I should be shot. But high school has a way of making everything worthwhile. Even getting shot. I actually started writing this the day after the fifth chapter and actually finished it, but I scratched it for inconsistency. Then, I wrote the perfect chapter (at 4 in the morning ::cough::) and was going to upload it in the morning. But Kyle-o (my brother) beat me to the computer and 'accidentally' deleted it. Then I got sidetracked by an amusing plot bunny and wrote a totally different fic and forgot this one.

Well, after all those troubles, here it is. It's still debatable whether there will be a glossary. All depends how I'm feeling at the end. **/Author Notes**

**Sunday, September 10**

**Girl's dorms – dying – dead**

**12:00 pm**

Ever have one of those days that you keep wishing never happened? I have a feeling that karma is finally catching up with me after hexing Braden's Y-knickers to flash 'I love my fluffy teddy. His name is Snuggles.' in bright iridescent colors that would shine through clothes.

My baby brother is pure spoiled. I wish I were nine years younger than my older sibling. Maybe I'd get away with things then. Brush it off as 'oh she doesn't know any better!'

**12:30 pm**

Daddy was a whole two hours late. Can you believe that? He left me in there for two hours just sitting and feeling rather stupid. May I remind the able-minded that I was supposed to be snogging Fred Weasley at that point?

**12:32pm**

I really need to stop thinking about Fred so much. It ends in nelly jees and such mooning.

**12:34pm**

For the record, that should be 'jelly knees' and 'much swooning.' I'll have you know I've only shown my gorgey bum to my nurse when I was a babe and that was unwillingly.

**12:40 pm**

This was supposed to be about yesterday wasn't it? Yes well Otto is rather distracting when he is shoving his large bum in your face. I suppose you wouldn't find a 10-kilo cat waving a bum in your face distracting.

When Daddy finally arrived, I was sound asleep in a corner. Meanwhile, George had met a girl named Betsy and was snogging her endlessly in the seat next to me. Fred and Alicia were playing 'Guess who has the uglier face' (simultaneously insulting Broomsticks customers) and Lee was chatting up Madam Rosemerta.

She's far too old for my Cornrowed neighbor.

My dream of riding off on a broom with Fred into the sunset was ruined by the sound of Jay screaming.

"Bad Angel! Bad Angel died! Jinx bad Angel daddy! Jinx!" He has the most scathing voice I have ever heard in a four year old. Don't they make tazers for shutting up small children? I think the Johnson family should invest.

"Whu? Whozzat?" I coherently managed to mumble before being attack by a flying ball of human flesh.

"Your brother I'm chancing to guess," Alicia managed to get between turns. "Either that or you certainly need to stop bunging around in nursery schools."

"Fizzing Whizbees, my eyes may just burn out from looking at such lovely people for over two hours. Can I leave now?" Fred asked from those perfect lips. For a moment I forgot that my family is insane, a crazy ghost haunts my house, and that my brother was currently attached to my hip.

At this time, I looked around at my friends and stopped to stare at George in horror. "Spare the children George! We don't all enjoy seeing you devour that poor girl's face in public!"

George broke liplock long enough to push Jay away from the table. "Better?"

"Quite honestly no. I've just been turned down by a woman who wears sparkly high heels. I'm in the gutters." Lee sighed.

"You two, honestly. I don't mean to be crude Betsy, but you're being quite the philanthropist in letting your face be eroded away." I think I jumped foot in the air as my father spoke over my shoulder. How selfish of my friends not to tell me my own dad was standing behind me. Really, everything was not about them!

It's about me!

Betsy jumped clear two feet off of George's lap before dipping into an apologetic bow and running off. "Nice going Mr. Johnson," George mumbled before running off behind her.

It was a fine enough meeting for the rest of the time. Daddy refrained from telling stories until it came to how I met Lee. That's an entertaining story.

"Well," Daddy started after buying the fourth round of butterbeers for my friends and me. Surprisingly, Jay had settled into a somewhat quiet mood. I think he fancies Alicia though. "We had been living in the Manor for about four years," I ignored the look Fred gave me at the word 'Manor' relating to my house, "When a group of hippies moved in next door."

"Hey!" Lee started. "We're not hippies!"

"Don't be so selfish, I meant the other neighbors." Daddy put up a hand and shook his head. "I did mean Lee."

"Hey!"

"Shut it Jordan," the whole table managed to say in unison.

"As I was saying, hippies moved in. Angel's mom and I thought they were from Jamaica because practically the whole family had dreadlocks. Angelina quickly decided to make friends with their son. But I think it was only so she would have someone to beat at Quidditch other than her brother."

This, I take the time to interrupt, would be true.

"She didn't have a chance to before we shipped her off to a Muggle boarding school."

"Wait," Fred intermitted, "Angelina went to Muggle boarding school?"

I nodded, grudgingly.

"Did you ever live at home Ange?" Alicia asked.

I shook my head, refusing to speak. I hate this story.

"Anyway," Daddy said, "She was in luck. Not two weeks later the Jordans showed up at our house asking Claire and I where they should send their six-year-old son for school before he was sent to Hogwarts. They informed us they were wizards at this point, rather unintelligently I might add."

"Hey!"

"Shut it Jordan."

"We of course sent them straight to Angel's boarding school. I didn't hear a word from my only daughter about this boy, but rather complaints against her brother and asking whether she could hex him. Which I of course told her she couldn't because her mother would be far too sad. Oh, and I would be too of course. As usual, we got an invitation to the school play. That year it was, what play was it Angel?"

"Beauty and the Beast," I mumbled.

"What was that? Speak up," Fred said, leaning over the table, grinning from ear to ear. And what nice ears they are too. I wonder what it would be like to have a good ear snog with them.

"Beauty and the Beast," I all-but-shouted.

"And who should be starring other than our own Lee Jordan and my delicate Angel!" My father announced happily. At this point, I will call him Vader because he is nothing other than a Dutch immigrant to me from now on.

"Let me guess," Alicia said excitedly, "Angelina was Beauty and Lee was the Beast!"

"Switch it around," Vader said. As you can imagine, the resulting laughter was horrible. I tried my best not to choke my father. "And it was a wonderful play. Lucky I brought a few pictures hmm?"

I feigned checking my watch. "Oh no guys, this fun filled evening must end. It's time to head back to the school. Imagine that!"

Fred laughed and tapped my forehead with a very attractive finger. "I know a way back that will cut our time in half. Nice try. Let's see those pictures Mr. Johnson."

Vader will pay.

Tuesday, September 12 Afternoon break 

**4:50 pm**

I will hex Vader's head off. You know what the last thing he said to me was?

"Oy, Angel, what happened to your conk? It's off to one side."

I could kill him.

Then, as we were leaving in a small stuffy passage that leads to a small mouse hole that couldn't even let a mouse through and Fred Weasley expects me to squeeze though, Alicia said the most horrible thing.

"So, your father drinks a lot of alcohol then?"

The whole world is against me. They will all pay. Especially Vader. And Lee. He's so stupid, why couldn't he be a better Beast than me? It'd be a step up in his thinking ability.

**A/N and Conclusions:** I'm going to have to jump ahead a while. Third year can prove to be only so entertaining. Don't worry, Angelina's revenge for George is coming soon. As well as Braden's do in. Next chapter will be near Halloween and Angelina's birthday then it will jump to Christmas and finally Valentine's Day. You know you're all waiting to see what I cook up for that one. Believe me, it is great. I think I'll make you all jump back from your computers and go 'What a sick mind that SG has!'

**Thanks to my reviewers….**

Ashliegh – Eep… So I lied a little. I had to write Happy Trails sometime… Then… well I think you've read it. The girls will be coming in more. I always hate those stories that single off one chaser from the rest and make her look like better friends with the boys. It's equality! We demand it!

Faye – No promises! I'm not revealing a thing! My mouth is sealed, though my pen may not be.

FredsAngel – Ah, I was going to, but I thought I'd try to keep Angelina as little horrified as I could. After all, with a brother like she's got, who wants to hear snarky comments? Though it would be funny.

The Red Haired One – You share my hair color dahling. Sorry I missed you in the last thankingness of the fourth chapter. Here it is, sigh. So lovely.

Tedabug - :D That makes me feel all warm and gooey inside. Like a chocolate chip cookie. And indeed, she does.

Star2717 – There is your snog. Though I think I made you a little ditzy… that is ok. I'm still puzzling over how Mr. Johnson knew Betsy's name. Ah, such is the downs of being the writer, you can't see in their heads. Well, you can, but I'd rather not like to…

The Black Veil – Thank you so much for using this story on your site! I just about peed my pants and had to do an Angelina Dance when I went to the site and saw it!

**And as always…. Read and Review. Flames are the welcome, they entertain me on a long night while I'm knitting by the fire and wondering where I went wrong. Much like my parents when they think of how they raised my brother and I.**

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	7. AJ The Purple Legged Terror

**Thursday, September 14**

**Potions**

**Evil Potions Master…**

**  
1:05 pm  
**It was bound to happen. I don't know why I thought I was safe. Double Potions. The _horror_!! You'd think that with a job in the public eye of small, impressionable children Snape would find time in his busy schedule to _shower_.

What's wrong with the world today? Why, when I was a young whippersnapper, teachers knew their place and would wash their hair.

At least my partner is Alicia. Though she gets rather sick when it comes to mincing the minced kneazles' tail. You know what she said to me when I called her a weenie?

"Honestly Angelina, it's like cutting up Otto! You'd sacrifice your pet to make this Potion?"

I seriously considered the options. Obviously I took too long to answer because she snorted in disgust and turned around in her chair.

"You horrible beast."

Well! It'd mean I could go to sleep without a lion-like tail in my face. And I wouldn't have to take him outside after every class so he could 'do his business.' Not to mention getting homework done without dragging him away from some scarred first year that thought he was a normal kitty. Or that time he ate my bed while I was asleep and I woke up on the floor on a mattress instead of in a four-poster.

Hm… intriguing…

**  
  
1:21 pm  
**Things To Do  
1) Find a way to turn Otto into a helpful Potion  
2) Get Fred Weasley to fall deeply, madly, and hopelessly in love with me  
3) Become Quidditch Captain and top in the grade and laugh in Slytherins' faces  
4) Buy a new lighter so I can nurse my pyromania  
5) Get chocolate. Lots and Lots.  
6) Pass Potions 

**  
3:10 pm  
**Otto destroyed Murray's teddy bear that she's had since she was six. I think it was time for the little bugger to go. Murray won't be so happy when she skips into our dorm tonight though. Last week he ate her poster of Barry Ryan. Can't say that I missed that one either. Barry constantly waved and looked stupid, which he is quite good at.

However, Murray's shoe did not feel good against my head.

I wonder if I could charm her shoe so that it was softer.

**  
3:37 pm  
**Tried to charm Murray's shoes and turned them bright orange. Hid the evidence in Alicia's trunk. No one will be the wiser.

**  
3:50 pm  
**Charmed everything so that when it hits me it turns into a pillow-like softness. Just for my own personal safety.

**  
4:09 pm  
**Uh oh… here comes Murray. I better hide under my bed for good measure.

There's no room down here.

Wait…

What's that on my leg … EEEEEEEEEE!!!

**  
4:15 pm  
**Must… not… kill… Weasleys… Jordan…

Bloody hell, they're all going to die!

**  
5:00 pm  
**Looking up ways of revenge with Murray. Convinced Murray that _they_ destroyed her shoes and bear. They are going to _die_.

Unfortunately, Murray found me under my bed after I screamed to wake the dead. There was Beringo sludge under my bed. Normally, I do not make a habit out of keeping a large, purple, slug-like thing in my room. When their slime touches skin, it turns it a bright purple color.

Much like both of my legs. I snatched some of Lee's pants so I wouldn't have to parade around showing off their purpleness.

Oh. They will pay. Damn Gryffindors.

**  
5:40 pm  
**Murray found the _perfect_ way of revenge. Plan goes in action three days before my birthday. Just to give them time to think they are safe.

Safe? Hahahahahaha. I laugh at the idea.

Now I'm off to the Infirmary where I will spend the next two days reading Muggle magazines while Pomfrey attempts to turn my legs to their normal selves.

**  
  
Friday, September 15**   
**Infirmary**

**  
12:31 pm  
**Oliver just popped in during his lunch break to tell me I had to go to practice, purple legs or not. And then he left Otto because obviously the poor dear ate his Quidditch plays. Pity.

I knew I kept the beast around for something. Who knew he'd come in handy so fast?

And I'm not going to Quidditch practice.

**  
1:25 pm  
**Oh no Otto… leave that alone… Don't--!

Never mind. Not only are my legs purple, but now I also own a kneazle that turns green every time he sneezes.

The whole world is against me isn't it?

**  
Closing:** Normally I'd thank those who reviewed, but I have to go out for a bit of summer shopping (hooray!). I'm still thanking those who took the time to review, just not having a chat with them. _I still love y'all though!_

Kisses!  
SG


	8. Operation Nudey Jimjams

**Saturday, September 23**   
**Courtyard**

**9:00am  
**After being discharged from the Infirmary with normal legs, Murray and I have put Operation Nudey Jimjams into action. Alas, I cannot digress the proceedings of it here for Sprout has taken to reading over my shoulder as I write even though I _insist_ I'm writing my essay that's due Monday and not up to no good on an early Saturday morning.

Might as well make it convincing.

_Magical plants differ from other plants because the other plants are rather mundane and not very magical. For example, an aloe plant will not bite you, but Mandrakes will not hesitate to take a chunk out of your hand. Why, just last week while caring for a baby Mandrake, I lost a perfectly good quill._

****

**Tuesday, September 26**   
**Quidditch Pitch  
****After homicidal practice**

**9:20pm  
**Oliver is getting more and more homicidal as the first match draws near. I half feel sorry for Harry, he's getting quite a beating. I can't feel overly sorry for him though, for us chasers are getting quite a stern talking to. I'm most worried about Katie. She's a second year and is taking every criticism to heart. It's only her first year playing.

Well, I have to say, we girls are pretty spiffy as a team. It's like a second sense when one of the others is around me. I just _know_. And they do too. It's all very fluid and easy.

****

**F****riday, September 29**   
**Corridor on the fourth floor**

**1:45am  
**Far too busy with the Operation. Every spare moment that isn't taken up with Quidditch and homework is spent in preparation for the 24th. The beginning parts are complete. Stage One, over.

That Murray just amazes me. She keeps finding more ways to … er … "perfect" our plan.

**  
Monday, October 1**   
**Girl's Dorms**

**3:33am  
**Just employed a house elf into our ranks. On my way to the library at one this morning, I spotted one stirring up the flames in the fireplace. He works in the kitchens and was more than happy to help when I said it would mean the world to me.

And it will.

Murray's going to be thrilled. I'll… just let her sleep though. She's not doing to well in her Arithmancy class and I can hear her cursing Professor Vector.

****

**Thursday, October 4**   
**Transfiguration**

**11:20am  
**Alicia thinks that I'm spending too much time with Murray. She just wrote me a note, very risky, and said she feared that I would go completely bonkers like our roommate. How judgmental of her. If anyone's converting anyone between Murray and me, it's me over her. I've even got her to take down those stupid posters of puppet Quidditch players and put up the good ones.

Eunice Murray is currently hanging over the water pitcher in our dorm. The Montrose Magpies are the best team in the League. Well, sides the Holyhead Harpies. Can't beat a team that can take down a national team and make them cry at the end. My goal is to be a chaser for them when I graduate.

And married to Fred Weasley. **But no one knows about that.**

****

**Wednesday, October 10**   
**Girls Dorms**

**9:00am  
**Before anything can be said about me skiving classes, let it be known that there is only two weeks before Operation Nudey Jimjams takes place and we're down to the wire. Murray says to be sure that it will be perfect we have to have everything in place by tonight. She's stopped sleeping and is extremely miffed all the time. Yesterday she threw a table at Otto. Poor beast.

It seems lack of sleep lends strength to my dear Welsh friend. If I didn't fear my life, I'd recommend she build on it.

Grommy, the house elf, is a wonderful asset to the team. He's so agreeable and just so cute! I tried to persuade him to come live with me in Kensington, but he refuses to leave Hogwarts.

Oh bugger. I just put cockroach lungs in the potion I was mixing for ONJ, and it turned gray and started bubbling. It's supposed to be pink and smell of flowers. Murray is not going to be happy at all.

****

**Wednesday, October 17**   
**Defense Against the Dark Arts**

**12:40pm  
**Well, obviously the potion was sorted out and everything is in place. Grommy visits me every day and brings me biscuits. He's such a cute thing. Zonny at home would be so jealous. She is my favorite house elf, really.

There's under a week left and I can barely contain my excitement. The other day I had to be paired up with Fred for Potions. Of course, he was being his normal charming self, but he was still a git. It's amazing that I fancy him so much, but still find him to be annoying and immature.

"Stop making paper swans and actually _do_ something for the potion!"

"I am doing something. I'm letting you do it."

"Oh stuff it Fred. Just stir the stupid thing and make sure it doesn't boil."

"Quick question Angie, do you want to get good marks on this potion?"

"Is Wood a psychotic Captain?"

"Then you'll do the potion." Fred happily responded as he made another fold in the paper.

What can I say to this other than pour the bottle of frog livers on his head? Sure I lost Gryffindor 30 points, but it was well worth it. And both of us got dentention on my birthday. Ruddy Snape. He gave us 20 days to _prepare _ourselves. Even those words are foreboding. But what's worse is the way his hair did that flying grease thing. A student can only hope he will wash it soon.

****

**Tuesday, October 23**   
**Courtyard  
****With Murray**

**2:30pm  
**Everything is in place. Murray and I are waiting. Those stupid boys won't know what hit them. And more importantly, _who_ hit them. That's what Murray and me are trying to figure out. The big reveal. I want to take credit for finally pulling something over the _infamous_ pranksters, but Murray says that we don't want to give it all away. Something this big could bring down the housepoints badly.

What's worse is that I know the boys are planning my big birthday prank as usual. No matter how much I beg, Lee won't tell me. The stupid git. He just said something about the snowstorm coming up in this airy voice that reminds me of Braden when he's found something that will be of use to him. Or when he doesn't want to tell me something.

**3:00pm  
**It's been settled we are taking the credit. I can't wait for breakfast tomorrow. I keep giving the boys this sad, pitying look when I pass them. Katie asked me if there was something stuck up my nose. Well, who needs Katie anyway?

**9:15pm  
**Note to Self: Otto thinks Katie is a scratching post. Katie does not find this amusing. But Angelina does.

****

**A/N:** Since this chapter is so long coming and so short, I apologize. I've already got the next chapter written, it's sitting nicely on my desktop, but is being evil and won't let me upload it. No worries, I'll have it sooner or later. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

And loves, do review now. Even though I'm a terrible author. HEY, I'M JUST KEEPING UP WITH JK. SHE DOES IT TOO. I love you all. Kisses and the such.

_A very apologetic SG._


End file.
